I was looking through all of my birthday, Valentine’s day, and Christmas cards and came across this letter that made realize about what love is:

“Love doesn’t mean that things have to be easy. Love doesn’t mean always getting your way. Love means that somebody gives up their ego so you can be friends at the end of the day. Love doesn’t lightly dismiss what you’re feeling. Love takes your hand without saying a word. Love knows the two of you may not agree, but still understand that you need to be heard…”

Hella good quote. Thank you to the girl who gave me this. 

How many people in the world strive to do things that they aren’t most comfortable with? I don’t believe that many. But to those who do I so, achieve a level of greatness they couldn’t get to because of their courage and the want of feeling not ordinary.

I believe we were all made to do good things for other people, live like brothers and sisters to make life worthwhile because you are doing something for the greater good. BUT, I also believe we were all made to achieve a level of greatness. In order to achieve, we need to know that we are vulnerable at times. Understanding our weaknesses can become advantages to break out of our outer shell.

Being made is something, but not being afraid to become something different is far greater.

Sometimes, I really don’t know why I think about weird things about life. I don’t even know who I am at times. Good thing I have this tumblr app so I can input my thoughts through my phone whenever.

Will He stop working? Never.

Will He fight to have us love Him? Yes He will.

Will He take a break from His plans? Don’t think so.

Will He be there when we are in pain? Of course.

Will He forgive us of our mistakes? Mmhmm.

No matter how long we’ve been gone, will He want us back? Duh. 

This has been a strange break for me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or things are just slowly shifting directions…

Although I don’t keep myself closely in relation to my family, I still feel like they are always with me and are trying to be with me as much as possible because who knows how long I will be here residing in Portland after college.

The very first day when I came home for the holidays, the first thing that my dad did was hug me. If I remember correctly, that is my first hug from the big guy… That he was actually happy to see me. The other night night I was complaining to my mom on why she kept on babbling towards me during a conversation and she admitted that she wants to talk to me as much as she can because she won’t be talking to me much when I go back to school.

These are the small things that cross my mind. That are actually big things that are occurring in my life. If things were like this when I was a child, who knows how close I would be with my family: that I can actually bond with them, talk to them about anything and everything, women, school, my major, ANYTHING! But God says its never too late.

There’s not a day that passes by that God has been secretly working by my side and my family. Taking care of my grandma although she has to be cared for and watched 24 hours a day, but God is still providing her life when I kept getting notices of her that she was close to dying a little over a month ago.

And I know that God is in the works of bridging my family back together and I can feel and see it happening. I wish joy and happiness for everyone out there and just to let you know that there will always be someone who truly cares about you. Goodnight

What if you could also use the other 80% of your brain? All the possibilities can become endless in the potential your mind can consume. I would think of the most rad and creative ideas known to man that nobody has ever seen or perceived within that matter. I would create kingdoms, not just cities. I would project what is going to happen next, not just be in the moment of when it occurs. I would be done and well-informed of what my term is going to be like and comprehend all of my required readings in 3 days just to keep the rest of weeks until finals just to have fun. I would make money more than anybody else in a week than a normal person does in a year. That would be the life but… I believe there is a reason why we can access only 20%: just to work harder to bring about the potential we never knew we could actually consume even if we also had the other 80.

“I’m here to be with you, not to change you.”

Sometimes we ask why do all these things happen to us, especially when the things are bad. Some would pray, some would not know what to do, and some would fight through it. Throughout the moments in which we suffer, we start to learn more about ourselves of how much we can take as people. It might be for the better or for worse depending on how  we take them. 

During this summer, I have been through and witnessed so many problems, especially within my family. People started to see sides of me that they never knew of. But tonight I finally developed the courage to talked to the person I am most afraid of, that of course being my dad. I am not sure where the courage came from, but I pulled through. It felt amazing, I felt like a million pounds have been swept off my shoulders. 

It’s hard when you have strict and traditional asian-oriented parents who expect so much highly of you, but speak so lowly of you at times. Others would know the exact same feeling. 

I am not sure what to do during these hard times. I can pray or fight through it, but I will hate suffering through it. I have been suffering through a good portion of my late teen and college years and I believe I am finally at my breakaway point where I stand is the position I want to be in at the moment. 

I have suffered through people telling me I could not get into architecture school or the school of design. People told me that I would never have the capabilities of being who I want to be because I wasn’t smart enough. This anger that I have had, pushed my mentality of asking myself why, what am I doing wrong? I pushed myself so hard during my second year in college after some friend told me that I could not get into architecture because of my grades. That person made a grand mistake of telling me such a thing, but I thank him for telling me that at the same time in order give me that hunger, that urge to try harder in order to succeed. 

I ask why am I always stuck in these kinds of situations. Why does it have to be me? Maybe there is a reason behind every obstacle that is put forth across my journey. I believe every setback or obstacles provides us an opportunity to grow stronger and wise from the decisions that we make that will let us stay on our correct path or proceed onto an alternative route. Life is filled with many doorways, but our destinies rely one. Sometimes we need these bad things so something good can come out of it. Pray through, fight through, but don’t sit through out. 

With every pain, we grow stronger; it just depends on how you take it. 

It’s funny to me to hear from others that I am unpredictable. They really don’t know what to expect from me and I represent something that lurks in the corner until you pass by to catch something you wouldn’t expect. 

I never realized how much of a different person I am to different people. To some I can be serious, close, annoying, overly curious, and a bunch of other things that cannot continue to be named because there are so many other types of people I can be. 

So what am I? It’s funny to be confused because now I want to explore myself more than anybody else. 

For instance, there are times when I am talking to a person, a little more seriously than usual, then he/she asks, “are you drunk?”, “did you smoke?”, or “why the hell are you talking about this?!” No, I am trying to tell you more a little about me…

I know we all have different friends and involved with different cliques. I really can’t stop these perceptions of me from different people because they are already embraced in their minds to think otherwise. Which sometimes creates a lot of setbacks because I can’t reach new levels with others. 

But having these setbacks can determine new routes in life. Setbacks we choose to forget (not being friends anymore), setbacks we try to jump over (trying hard to get closer), and setbacks we want to stay in (keeping perceptions stable) can distinguish who we really are in this world. I believe having setbacks are important because when I mature and get older, I would want to let things go until I am satisfied for what I have around me and how people perceive me as then. 

It’s like trying out for a professional football team. You keep weeding out weaknesses and making the best decisions to determine which players will keep or hand in their play books until you are satisfied for what you want in your ideal, perfect team. 

Wow, it has such been a long time since I starting posting my own personal thoughts on this blog. Throughout this weekend, the experiences I had recently, the things I have witnessed and seen, and what I heard have made me want to express my thoughts. 

For me, I am better expressing myself through text because I am actually taking the time to think carefully on what I want to say. Throughout high school and some writing courses in college, I would always get good grades on my papers because of their so-called creativity… in truth, they have been nothing but last minute ordeals. 

For this entry, I am questioning the good life. I have been listening closely to OneRepublic’s recent song “Good Life” and it has been on repeat for the longest time. I know everybody has their own interpretations from songs and I respect that. If I break your intentions on some of the lyrics that I questioned, I am sorry. I am free to say whatever I wish: 

“Hopelessly 
I feel like there might be something that I’ll miss 
Hopelessly 
I feel like the window closes oh so quick 
Hopelessly 
I’m taking a mental picture of you now 
‘Cuz hopelessly 
The hope is we have so much to feel good about”

Is this the good life? Through many of the lyrics that have been expressed throughout this song, to me, feel like they are just instances or short-term experiences that have been enriched through a certain people in order to call, at the moment, the “good life.”

“I feel like there might be something that I’ll miss.” Feelings come and go. When we hold onto something dearly, something that we dont want to let go, will or has the potential to be forgotten later. I believe a lot of people today, hold onto things or people they miss as a burden that can alter paths. Even if those memories are great, something greater will happen down the road as we continue our journeys. 

“I feel like the window closes oh so quick.” They do… I have missed so many opportunities throughout my lifetime that I regret. Windows closing hurt, it would be a miracle if somebody can open it again. 

“I’m taking a mental picture of you now.” “now”, something that is current before it becomes “then.” Embracing the “now” will lead to good moments, but not the result of a good life. 

I know that some of things that I have expressed may seem unreasonable or even stupid. I can understand that. They are based about my current thoughts and recent experiences in order for me to think like this. Forgive me. 

I am stable. There are many people who aren’t around me. Is this the good life? I am able to receive three full meals a day. There are people around me who can’t receive that. Is this the good life? I am under a roof. There are people around me who are homeless. Is this the good life? I don’t have to struggle to pay for finances in order to attend college. There are people around me who work many hours and attend school. Is this the good life? I live in a neighborhood with nice and friendly neighbors. There are people around who afraid to walk home at night because theft occurs. There around adults and children around this world who go through their daily lives that may involve drug interaction, kidnap, prostitution, fights, deaths, and unlucky experiences. Children with parents who abuse. People on the streets who struggle to survive in order to live for one more day. Is this really the ****ing good life that we live in?

No. 

I am not in a good life because there are bad and struggles around me. People who have what I have have to look and actually look what is around them. The good life is a fantasy that people want to sing about, want to imagine, want to live in. We are trying embrace what the good life feels like through our good and happy moments. Realization is key and selfishness should be erased because everybody has something that somebody doesn’t or can’t have. A lot of us, even me, tend not to cherish or be grateful for these offerings that have been given to us. I am not trying to give you shame, but a different perspective. 

We can provide good moments for different people that we don’t tend to associate with every day and make their moments better. We all unlimited bandages that we can help to soothe partial pains for others. Our bandages will never cease to end, which means there are millions of opportunities for us to provide to others.